I’m a firm believer in the fact that we can learn a lot from reading other people experiences. And while my intention with this post is not to educate anyone, I’d like my voice to be heard, my experience to be known; for it to help even if it’s just a little bit. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for reading quite a lot of people discussing their feelings and sharing their own experiences with us readers. So here goes nothing.
My name is Laura, I’m 28 years old and I’m Spanish. I’m telling you this so you can imagine my situation – our dictionaries don’t even hold a definition word the word asexual related to a sexual orientation.
Half my life, since I was 12 years old, I’ve seen people around me become interested in sex, they’ve talked about it freely (which is good, don’t get me wrong) and something about it always made me a bit uncomfortable. I thought something was wrong with me: I had no interest in sex, and while I enjoyed erotic literature I could never imagine myself in one of the sex scenes.
People didn’t help. Society pushes us so much nowadays, that losing your virginity is considered almost a rite of passage. I felt ashamed because I hadn’t lost mine, because I had no interest in doing it, because people look at you weirdly when you’re 20 something and still a virgin. Even my own friends shamed me – maybe not voluntarily, maybe they didn’t know the damage they could do – and it didn’t help with the feeling that there was something wrong with me.
And then, quite by chance, I came accross the concept of asexuality. And I thought for a while I might belong there, somewhere along that spectrum. But still, something didn’t feel just *quite right* to me. I couldn’t find the final piece of the puzzle that was my sexuality. Until I read this interview done by El on the blog Just Love Romance:
There, I came accross this: autochorissexual. And when I read the definition something in me clicked, a small voice that had been silent for too long said “That’s me! That’s how I feel!” I smiled and cried after that, and trembled for so long I thought I would never be able to stop.
Finding that label meant A LOT to me. Suddenly I wasn’t broken, I belonged somewhere, and there was a whole community that accepted me just as I am. I’ve felt much more comfortable in my own skin ever since, and I’ve met some amazing people that I can now consider friends.
I hope this small part of my life gives you an idea about why being alienated as part of a bigger community hurts so much, why our sexuality being erased feels like a knife going through our hands, why we’re still fighting for represantion. We just want to be heard.
But I’ll say this again: this is just my experience. If you want to know more, talk to us, ask us questions, read that amazing interview El did, look for representation in the media. Just don’t think we don’t exist.